How many of us have heard those dreaded words...someone we love has been diagnosed with cancer...
I heard those words recently and I know people "say" that they heard or saw something that stole their breath. But I actually experienced it upon hearing the news. I felt like an anvil had been dropped onto my chest crushing the life right out of me. The sorrow is unbearable. The hope is infinite. The prayers never ending. But this isn't about me...it's about the greatest man I know, my Uncle Fred.
To most girls an uncle is a funny guy who cracks jokes that they see once in a while. That is not the case with my Uncle Fred. He is so much more than the word Uncle can describe. So, indulge me a bit while I tell you about this amazing man.
Uncle Fred has always been there. He was there for me since day one. As he so proudly describes to people as he's introducing me, I was the first baby he rocked to sleep. The first teddy bear he ever bought, you guessed it, mine. For as long as I can remember there's been this tall, blue-eyed teddy bear of a man in my life who is every little girls' dream daddy. And that's a position he's filled in my life, as my biological father gave up parental rights when I was an infant & my adoptive father....well, not going to bash, let's just say I was not high on his priority list. But Uncle Fred? With him, I was & am important. I call, he stops what he's doing to answer. I need to come by? He's sure to be there. Need a shoulder to cry on? His are strong enough to bear the burden. Are you getting the picture? He's been a knight in shining armor for me & so many others more times than can be counted.
So many in our small community refer to him as "Uncle Fred" but out of those only a small handful are actually related. This man with the bright blue eyes & comforting grin has been an amazing male role model for so many who didn't have a positive male influence in their lives. Going to games to cheer them on, teaching them to fish, work on cars, trucks, giving them summer jobs working his landscape business. Showing up to sporting events, graduations, births of children, etc. when otherwise there would have been just an empty seat. This man, he shows up, he encourages, he loves. This man has my heart. And I have his...one of our "things" is when he's saying goodbye on the phone he'll sometimes remind me that I still have that "special spot" in his heart that is no ones but mine. Cheesy? Maybe. But that lonely little girl without an involved Daddy down inside loves the cheesy stuff he does. He's filled a void in my life that no one else could.
And the possibility that this horrid disease might take him from me is horrific, unthinkable, monstrous...I just can not, will not accept that cancer will take him. I HAVE to have hope, I must believe, pray, hope, think positively. If not I will crumple into a puddle & just wilt away. I know. Because that's what I did for the first 3 days after hearing the news. I cried, I sobbed, I wallowed in the deep dark pits of despair, not letting hope it. Just mourning something that hadn't yet come to pass. But then I realized....I'm sitting here bawling my big brown eyes out over what? A diagnosis ...a word...a disease, a terrible disease yes BUT an often curable disease. We don't even have a "stage" yet. Have no idea what the prognosis is. SO, instead of wallowing in self pity & making this about me, I'm going to focus on what I can do. What I can do is make more memories, love him, pray for him, tell others about him. Maybe inspire other men to step up & be like him & take fatherless children under their wing, make them feel loved & cherished.
Now don't get me wrong, Uncle Fred isn't perfect...he can be bull-headed, lean a bit too far to the southern side of opinions (women cook, men work etc) BUT he doesn't force those things on us, just lives his life the way he sees fit. But don't we all have faults? His are miniscule in the grand scope of the good he's done, the hearts he's healed, the children he's reminded that yes, they do actually matter.
I don't know who if anyone will see or read this...but for those that do...I wish you an Uncle Fred, whether man or woman, no matter the name, I wish for you someone in your life who is your safe place to fall, you shoulder to cry on, your source of silly stories & unending laughter.
But don't try to take mine.....as I am quick to tell others around here, you may call him Uncle Fred, but I'll always be his favorite <3
Cancer sucks, but life doesn't have to. Whether a long time or a short time, when that diagnosis comes we can choose to make more memories with the person diagnosed. As for me, I'm choosing hope...and more memories. As a matter of fact in a couple of days I'm going to go sleep over with my Aunt & Uncle like the old days when I was a teen, I'm gonna eat homemade country food, pet the calves, chase the chickens, sit at the foot of Uncle Fred's chair & watch westerns while he plays with my hair, get him sweet tea before his glass is empty, bake something yummy for him, look through old pics & laugh & cry, walk down to the shop with him to talk about his old truck & sit in his "thinking spot" & sneak a beer or two....and I will love every minute of it & know that I'm making the best of our time together. No matter what happens, I've chosen to value those I love & not take them for granted. I could be gone tomorrow, any of us could. So, live life....live it with no regrets & do those silly things that mean so much to you & those you love!
So....don't just sit there, call someone you love, better yet go visit them! No gifts or fancy outing needed, just spend time!
Monday, July 21, 2014
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